« Prev 1 Next » Reply Share Thread Facebook Twitter Tumblr LinkedIn MySpace Email Go to Previous Thread Next Thread Please make a selection first Author Topic: A better try (Connor) (Read 281 times) berlin Guest [send pm] Joined: January 1970 Posts: 0 A better try (Connor) « Sept 11, 2009 17:38:41 GMT -6 » Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Loud music. Played under the food court of the local mall. Destiny, a small urban dance group was taking the stage, the loud music was to drag people over from their stores, from eating at the food court, from leaving the mall. They were here to promote, advertise, and get donations so that they could head off to a huge dance competition that they were having out in Los Angelous. They were all students and college students, that meant that none of them just had the pocket money that would enable them to take off for LA. A bus they could afford but the room and board for a single night in a hotel was, as they had found out, going to cost a fortune and thus they had not been able to actually commit. Thus they were here with the cooperativeness of the mall's owner. They were all dressed a like. Dark blue jeans. White tank tops. And a beige checked cabbie hat on their heads. They all took the stage their white shoes sharp against the black stage. They all took their positions. Berlin was still new to the group and she was not in the front, but she was not too great yet. Still learning all the moves and routines that they had. So she wasn't in the front but she was luckily good enough not to be in the back either. She looked over at her partner and mentor. Everyone in the group had a partner and Austin was hers. he was the one that worked so hard wit her to teach her all the routines and get her to exceed some of the pople that had been there for a long time already. The music went quiet and the leader of their group a young African American girl named Shalice, came to the front with the mic. "Hey hey San Diego! We're Destiny! Here today trying to get enough money to head off to LA for the dance competition that will take this world by storm!" Shalice was the leader because of her enthusiasm and her ability to get the people around her rialed up. "We're going to show you just what we can do!" The music began with a simple six beats of a drum, at a slow pace to get everyone's attention on the stage. And then the dancing began. Berlin had a bright smile on her face and she moved through the dance. She loved the way that she felt when she was dancing. The lifts, the tosses, the spins, the movements. The fact that the crowd was cheering, that people were making donations and she was so glad that this was working so well. They went through three routines, before they stopped and she got off the stage with the help of Austin who was basically her best friend. They shared a bottle of water and talked about a few things on the outskirts while Shalice made sure to collect the money and the group headed off. But Berlin had some money to kill and she wanted to buy some clothes, cds and some stuff for her room. Heading out she had her head down texting Santiago that she was done and doing some s hopping that they could rendevous for dinner later tonight and have a nice night out. She smiled at his reply and since she wasn't paying attention. Which was how she bumped right into someone. Someone that would recognize her scent, and someone that made her eyes widen when she looked up. Back to Top   connor Guest [send pm] Joined: January 1970 Posts: 0 A better try (Connor) « Sept 11, 2009 21:13:16 GMT -6 » Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top A rat. Well, that wasn't exactly what Connor was in the mall for. Typically, you'd be hard pressed to find him in such a noisy place. Especially with all the noise coming from one spot in particular. Some kind of dance, loud music... thing. Connor wasn't familiar with it, but regardless it threw his whole sense of direction and navigation off. But, he managed to find his way to the pet shop, his nose guiding him. He wished to make his room seem much less lonely. He had not slept well since his return to the states, and even worse since he had talked to Berlin. He was feeling very much alone, and he felt like more than anything, he needed a friend. So, he headed to a place that he usually avoided. The mall held a great pet shop, and so Connor entered. Navigating without his vibration version of sight was trying, but he did know how to navigate without that talent. He found the shop easily enough, and felt himself drawn to one cage in particular. Unknown to him, it was rats. He could hear squeaking, and assumed some form of rodent, but he was still intrigued. He put his finger to the bars, and it was met with a friendly paw. He smiled, and knew he wished to take that one home. He stayed until someone approached him. He asked about his new "friend." It was a large white female rat, who apparently shied away from everyone. Well, everyone except the redheaded blind boy. Connor made the purchase, and arranged for a delivery of all things needed to care for his new pet to his dorm room. Everything, including Plexiglas cage, water bottle, and food. The rat, who he had yet to think of a good name for, resided comfortably in his inside jacket pocket. It had taken to him, and made no fuss about being warm and petted. He left the shop, a little happier, giving a small rub on the head of his pet. He was lost in thought, and distracted by the lack of "sight," that he collided with someone, and fell on his backside with a thud. He blushed hard, and as he wasn't in the right mind set, didn't pay attention to the familiar scent. Though, at some point, the voice would probably tip him off. "I'm sorry!" He was quick to apologize, his kind tone emanating off his person. "I was having trouble finding my way around here." He managed to get himself up, though his cane was now lost somewhere. Oh well. "I hope you're alright." He could feel the rat adjust in his pocket. A little shaken by the collision, but perfectly alright. « Last Edit: Sept 11, 2009 23:14:35 GMT -6 by connor » Back to Top   berlin Guest [send pm] Joined: January 1970 Posts: 0 A better try (Connor) « Sept 18, 2009 17:32:44 GMT -6 » Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Berlin looked across the mall. The floor was open in the center with railings around it that let you see the lower floors. But she was looking at one of the stores that was her very favorite they had large sale signs hanging in the windows. She wondered if they had anything good or if it was all already picked over. She didn't see the redheaded boy that was coming for her in his own little dream world. She was doing her own thing, walking and not really paying attention. That of course. Was when she ran into someone. She oofed, as she fell down as much as he did. Something bounced it's way over to her and fell against her leg. She groaned as she sat up. Brushing her full bouncing wavy blonde hair out of her face. Looking down she saw a similar red and white cane to the one that Connor had used when they were dating. Great. Juuuust great. She ran down a blind kid. She got up grabbing the cane. Tossing her hair over her shoulder she looked down hearing the voice. Seeing the man that lay there. The red hair, the unseeing beautiful eyes. She sighed. Figured that she would have run into the only blind person that she knew. She came over and didn't bother saying anything just yet. Gently she reached her hand out for him and clasped his own hand. She helped him get up off the floor and put the cane back into his hand there was no reason to withhold it from him. "You are supposed to pay attention you know. Not stare off into space.' She grinned. How could she not. It was fun sometimes to mess with people and it wasn't like Connor wouldn't know or recognize her voice. She sighed as she put her hands in her pockets and she looked around for a moment and then she looked back up at him. She smiled though. It wasn't as though she was really happy with him yet, or anything. She just.. figured that it was pointless to stay mad at him still. He was back, but she wasn't with him, she was with Santiago. "So uhhh.. lunch! I'm hungry, lets eat." She hooked her arm through his as though they had already gone past the awkward hello's and moved them twoards the food court where the tasties all waited. She was hungry and she wasn't asking him to buy her anything she had money that wasn't the thing. But she figured it would be better to have some plan in mind rather than just standing there like idiots. Back to Top   connor Guest [send pm] Joined: January 1970 Posts: 0 A better try (Connor) « Sept 18, 2009 18:14:52 GMT -6 » Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top He felt the hand that had been in his before, and immediately the world came back into play. Then the voice, her scent... and he immediately felt like he should be anywhere else. The one thing keeping him from blurting out another apology and taking off was her tone. There was a lack of anger, and he almost heard a smile. Was she done being mad at him? Could they start rebuilding at least a friendship? Yeah, right. Best not to get ones hopes up too high. His cane was back in his hand, and then her arm was linked to his. With a declaration of hunger, she lead him to the food court. He had chuckled at her joke about his sight. He was never one to be offended by it. He had chuckled again with her mentioning food. Well, that hasn't changed. She still likes to eat. He didn't know if she intended for him to pay or not, and he didn't care. For the time, even if it didn't last, he could pretend he had a friend in her again. That, and he hadn't been eating much, so the smell of the food in the court set his stomach to grumbling. He would give in to that desire, and it wasn't long before they were at a table with hot, greasy food before them. As much as he may have wanted to eat, and needed to, he hesitated. This was too good to be real. There was no way she was just alright with him. But, he didn't want to make this any more awkward than it needed to be. Thankfully, his pet was apparently sleeping in his pocket, and wasn't about to move. He sipped his coke silently for a minute. He had heard the crowd cheering before (who couldn't? It was broadcast all over the mall, and he had only been a few stores away). His tone was soft and gentle, but with pain behind it. He tried to mask it, and smiled. "So, you seem to be in a good mood. Does it have anything to do with the music and cheering I heard a few minutes ago?" He knew, and figured she did too, that they would need to talk again and get past their block. But, for now, best to open with something positive, right? Of course right! Back to Top   berlin Guest [send pm] Joined: January 1970 Posts: 0 A better try (Connor) « Sept 18, 2009 19:05:00 GMT -6 » Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top He didn't seem to mind the redirection. They walked towards the food court. She was starving, Berlin had definatly filled out into a more beautiful body than she had ever thought was possible. Santiago seemed to think she had the body of a Hispanic girl with her full hips, round chest, and small waist. she really didn't care. She couldn't care less just where she was from, what nationality she was, she was just happy. For the first time in her life she was happy, really happy with no end of it insight. They got to the food court. They didn't speak but then again she didn't know that it was all that necessary at the moment. She hit the burger shack. Getting a double cheese burger, large fries, and a large coke. That would keep her full til dinner. Santiago was cooking tonight and she knew that it was going to be super tasty so she wanted to make sure she had room for it. They headed to a table. In an area not too crowded. The back corner of the food court was relatively quiet, so they sat down close to some windows that overlooked the parkinglot from the second floor. She opened the foil wrapper on her burger and began slathering it with mustard and ketsup. She had paid for both their lunches, figuring that it would pay him back for the times he had fed her. So this would help make them more even and she had enough money she could share a bit. Gently she bit into a fry that she had dipped in a spicy ketsup sauce she had made out of some packets of things and then she bit into her burger bouncing in her seat a bit as the grease, fat, and tasty went down her throat. He said she seemed happy. "Yep." He then asked her if it had something to do with the loud music and the applause that had been happening in the mall not that long ago. She wished he could have seen her. Dancing with a group of elite dancers like that. Toning and honing her body into perfection and finding something that she really loved in life. Dancing. "Yeah actually, it does. I've joined a group called Destiny." She grinned. "It's a dance group, actually an elite dance group. I met Austin, you probably heard his voice the other day in the hall. He's in one of my classes, we were talking and he asked me to check out the group. Turns out I got some rhythum. So.. they've been teaching me more. That was a performace, we're trying to get to LA for a dance competition and that was helpin' us raise some money." Berlin took another bite of her burger and chewed throughtfully. She was curious what he was doing at the mall, but she figured that she would ask when the time was right. "I figured I'd go buy some more new clothes. My closet is still kinda empty and their havin' a sale at this furniture store and I plan to check it out for my room." She shrugged. "What about you? How come you're here?" Back to Top   connor Guest [send pm] Joined: January 1970 Posts: 0 A better try (Connor) « Sept 18, 2009 20:15:32 GMT -6 » Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Thankfully, the table she found for them was actually isolated a bit. They had ordered, and were surrounded by the scent of food that probably wasn't healthy for anyone. But, it was good. She spoke, and he found that she had managed to more than just fit in since his departure. Not only had she made friends, but was part of a very talented dance team. He was pleased to hear her confidence and how pleased she seemed with herself. He nodded at the mention of the boy's name. He didn't know him, but he knew the voice she was referring to. Her new boyfriend? Maybe, but he wasn't going to press or ask. It was not a topic he thought he should bring up. Connor had very little need or want of furniture or new clothes, so he had avoided the sale. All that meant was more crowds of people, and crowds were something of a discomfort for him. Which would make anyone wonder why he would even be at the mall. Which led her to her question. Now, Connor didn't want to go into how lonely he really was, so he tried not to show it, though he assumed some of the emotion might play on his face, even through the "mask." He had taken a few bites as she spoke, and washed it down before answering her question. "Well, my room has felt a bit empty, too. So, I decided to find something to fill it up a bit." He smiled, feeling the warm spot in his jacket. "I got myself a pet." He pointed at his pocket. "She's in there, sleeping. I thought about a dog, but I felt kinda drawn to the rodent section." He blushed a bit, hoping she wasn't the type to be fearful of mice or rats. He figured she wasn't. "I haven't thought of a good name yet, but I'm sure it'll hit me." He smiled at the thought of having a presence in his room to keep him company. It was a bit of a relief. He thought about her team raising money, and made a personal note to help them get to their destination. He had little reason to hold the money for himself. Might as well put it to good use. He'd bring it up later. "So, aside from dancing with the best of them, what have you been up to?" His voice gave away that he was a little nervous, and also that he really wished to try and move past the wall between them. He knew it would take time, but hoped she was willing to help him tear it down. Back to Top   berlin Guest [send pm] Joined: January 1970 Posts: 0 A better try (Connor) « Sept 18, 2009 21:05:24 GMT -6 » Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top He told her that he had been lonely. Well.. that wasn't true. He told her the room had felt empty but she knew what he meant. It was easy to see. But then again, part of her felt bad for him, another part didn't. To be frank she had been the lonliest after he had dumped and left her since she had been left by Calgary. So it was hard for her to think past that and try to see him as being lonely. Maybe he was now. But that was his own choice. It was not her fault his master pissed him off. She listened as he told her about how he had planned to get a dog but when he had gotten to the shop he had been more attracted to the rodent section. Her brow rose. A rat? Well she supposed it could be a gerbil, or a hamster but they were all basically rats. It's just if you wanted a manly rat or a fuzzy girly rat. "Yeah the name will come to you when it does somethin' cute Im sure. I think that's how most things get their names." Berlin grinned. "Cal and I once had this stray cat. Had less hair than a bald man." she laughed. "it was once one of those real nice ones Im sure but when we got it, it was starved and lonely. We took it in for a while. Called it Mixxy. Because I swear it thought it was a dog! Cal said it was mixed up in the head, so we started callin' it Mixxy." She laughed softly before poppin' another fry in her mouth. He mentioned the dance group but asked her what else she had been up to. Berlin's right lip quirked up and then down slightly as she put her drink cup down after taking a sip. She knew that he wasn't ready to hear about Santiago. He probably wasn't ready to understand her job, or how she made money, or how her life had changed. "Well.... I've been learning to read first of all. I'm up to second grade level. I know.. it's.. it's not much but I .. well its more than I had. I got a tutor for everything else. He's helpin me with math and stuff. Even passed a test all on my own last week. I was real proud. put it on the fridge and everything, just like mom's do with kids.. 'cept I don't have a mom." she grinned. Berlin shrugged. "I got a steady enough job for me. And .. I get buy well enough. Now that I have actual stuff, like clothes, soap and junk I fit in better at school. Not completely, lots of people find me annoying but I .. really don't care you know." She chuckled. "What about you, surely you've been doing things with yourself?" Back to Top   connor Guest [send pm] Joined: January 1970 Posts: 0 A better try (Connor) « Sept 18, 2009 21:30:04 GMT -6 » Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Considering her past, a second grade reading level in such a short time was nothing to scoff at. He smiled approvingly. He had very much enjoyed hearing her reminisce about her brother and their pet cat. She was right. Eventually the right name would come to him. If he could have read her mind, he would have told her she was right. He wasn't ready to hear about her new relationship. All it would do would be to make him think of what he could have had, but screwed up. She asked him what he had been up to. He wish he could have given her a good answer. Something like he had joined some kind of group, had an adventure, made a life discovery. He hadn't. He had done mostly nothing, save for meditate and train. It was boring, and nothing compared to her achievements. "Nothing really. Just training, mostly. Remember, I don't exactly live a very exciting life." He grinned. "Guess I haven't discovered my natural talent just yet." He thought. "That kind of brings me back to your new found dance activity. I wish I could see it, but we both know that's a lost cause. But, that doesn't mean I can support it." He smiled. "I know you guys raised money today, at least form what you told me. If it wasn't enough, let me know what you guys need to make it to LA. Whatever you guys need, I'll make up whatever you guys don't have." He looked down. Even without sight, sometimes it was hard to look someone in the eyes. "I have no qualms helping a friend." He looked back to her, and smiled weakly. "I am hoping I can at least be that much to you. Even if I have to work at earning your trust back." It was said softly, and gently. Not desperate, or begging. He hoped she would take him back, at least in friendship. He would give anything to work past this. Back to Top   berlin Guest [send pm] Joined: January 1970 Posts: 0 A better try (Connor) « Sept 22, 2009 19:40:16 GMT -6 » Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top "Nothing really. Just training, mostly. Remember, I don't exactly live a very exciting life." "A life is as exciting as you make it. Sit at home and just let time pass you by and no.. it isn't exciting. But getting out there, trying new things, meeting new people. Then yes, it could very well be. Don't give yourself a definition like that Connor I think if you opened yourself up a bit, you'd have a good life." It was merely her opinion and based on what she had seen when they were together briefly. She remembered how when she walked into the room he would light up. How they would go do things because she planned them. She remembered the most romantic thing she had planned yet, had been the night he had dumped her. That night.. her romantic walk on the rain fallen beach.. had never happened. INstead her tears matched the rain on the windows as she sat in her room watching the rain fall. "Guess I haven't discovered my natural talent just yet." "Well I always thought as good as your hearing is you should do something with music. An instrument, or even singing. You'd probably be good at both seeing as you probably have perfect pitch." Berlin took a few fries and bit into them before she swallowed them down with coke. Her blue eyes looked around the mall at all the people that were cruising the highways and byways of the place. The sales were hoppin' she was sure, and she wasn't even worried about if she needed something or was out for something specific. If it was something she wanted or needed she could get it sent to the apartment if she couldn't get it home herself. "That kind of brings me back to your new found dance activity. I wish I could see it, but we both know that's a lost cause. But, that doesn't mean I can support it." She laughed. "Well you could, if it was raining." she reminded him about her knowing of his little secretive way to see. She knew that she could probably convince a few of the members if not all of them to perform in the rain. It would be good practice considering they might have to one day. It was something to think about. "I know you guys raised money today, at least form what you told me. If it wasn't enough, let me know what you guys need to make it to LA. Whatever you guys need, I'll make up whatever you guys don't have." Always the helper. Berlin bit her lower lip and she placed her almost finished burger back down on the wrapper that was covered in grease drippings. She looked back up at him. She couldn't... it wasn't... there was just.. she couldn't even think about how to describe how she felt about that. Considering the turn that everything had taken. "I have no qualms helping a friend." Oh hell. "Uhhh yeah.. I'm sure we're good.. really.. I mean.. no need for all that and stuff." It was obvious she was uncomfortable with that whole thing. Considering what his 'father' had said about her using him, considering that she was no good for him. Berlin doubted she would ever take anything from Connor. dinner, lunch, a tshirt, a place to crash. She would probably end up on a park bench before she would try to take, borrow, or even ask anything of Connor. She just wasn't sure that she could put herself out there like that again. To be burned like that had hurt deeply. Bad enough that it was only Santiago that had really brought her out of it. Before that she was just.. numb. It was why he had gotten everything back. Except the shoes. But she had left the money.. the shoes had cost on the table with everything else. She wanted to owe him nothing. And now she didn't. But he had taken a piece of her heart, and she doubted he could pay her for that. "I am hoping I can at least be that much to you. Even if I have to work at earning your trust back." She bit her lower lip. Fully having lost her appetite she sipped at her coke for a moment. "I want to be your friend Connor. But .. we were so much more... back before I met him... your father. I'm trying really hard to put that.. umm.. what's the word for it.. devestation, I think it is, behind me. I'm happier now, I'm healing, and seeing you it's both good and bad. It makes me happy and at the same time sad because we aren't what we were." Picking at the little paper wrapper her burger had come in her eyes dropped to her uneaten food. "Why... why did you listen to him?" she whispered. "I thought.. you of all people knew me..." Tears welled in her eyes and fell down her cheeks but she kept her voice extremely controlled she didn't want him to know how much she had hurt. Back to Top   connor Guest [send pm] Joined: January 1970 Posts: 0 A better try (Connor) « Sept 22, 2009 20:07:54 GMT -6 » Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top Well, he knew it would eventually come to this. This was needed to grow, maybe. To live through heartache and pain to grow as a person, right? That was the sage way of thinking. Right now, Connor felt like anything but that. He felt horrible. His own eyes welled up, sparkling now due to tears he wouldn't try to hide if they fell. She knew he was hurting, and he could tell she was, too. Though she was doing what she could to hide it. She turned him down for offering to help, and he knew why. He wasn't stupid by any stretch. He had found all she had returned, and knew the money was for the shoes. He had come home to that little discovery. She would like to be his friend, but knowing what they were made this more than difficult. He had never found out what she had planned. That night had fallen apart. All because he had listened to an old man who knew nothing of Berlin. He had judged her, him of all people. It shocked Connor, and made no sense. And now, Berlin was asking him for answers he didn't know he wanted to give her. But, he would. Devastation, she called it. She had no idea just how right she was. "It wasn't as simple as that." He spoke, his own tone strained. "That night, when I asked you to leave, it wasn't to end things with you. It turned into that, I know. But the reason initially was a lot different." She had no idea what he had done, or how things had gone. It might as well come out now. "When you left, I lost my temper. I haven't lost it since I was real little. Every bit of anger welled up. I argued with him. I screamed. I told him how everything was." He started getting emotional, took a breath, and tried to calm himself. His eyes squeezed shut. "He didn't even raise his voice. He sat there, annoyingly calm. He just told me I didn't know. Wasn't wise to people or the world yet." He shook his head. "He was going to start my training in Japan with that nonsense. I ignored him. He pack my things while I sat there, wanting to find you. To at least let you know I was leaving, and what was going on." Connor opened his eyes, facing her. Even blind, it was still hard, but maybe she would see the truth. "I had no idea how long this was going to be, or what was going to come of it. I gave in to him, and broke it off with you while he listened in right there." "I had no way to leave without him knowing. He bought the plane tickets, and the next day, we were on our way to Japan. I didn't talk to him on the plane, or once we landed. It took me weeks to even be civil enough to thank him for dinner. The more I stayed away, the more angry I was. His plan was that the trip would 'clear my head' and 'help me understand.' All it did was ruin everything." His hand had tightened into a fist at the table. If his nails were sharp, he would have drawn blood. "I knew coming back wouldn't be easy, but I didn't do it to make things worse for you. I knew I destroyed everything." He let the tears fall. He didn't care. "I listened to him because I was backed into a corner by the one man who had raised me and been the father I never had. I didn't even know he did it until it was over." He had lost his appetite, and felt himself feeling sick. "I know my apology means nothing, but it is all I have. Berlin, I really am so sorry. You didn't deserve to be hurt, and the fact that I did that to you kills me." He took a deep breath, which sounded ragged, and spoke again. "When I heard your voice, and it sounded positive, I had hoped that you had found some kind of happiness." He smiled very weakly. "It seems as if you found something anyway. And even if you won't accept support by money, then I hope you accept my support as a friend. I don't deserve it, but I can still hope." Back to Top   berlin Guest [send pm] Joined: January 1970 Posts: 0 A better try (Connor) « Sept 26, 2009 21:00:17 GMT -6 » Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top He said, that night, when he asked her to leave that night it wasn't for the reason she had come to find. He had only meant to have a few minutes with his mentor before they went out on her surprise date. She had checked the weather, it was going to rain that night. and she was going to take them to the beach. She wanted to dance with him in the moonlight, and she wanted to walk along the beach in a date where he could look at her anytime that he wanted to. She sighed softly as he told her that it had only turned into that later. He had lost his temper. Screamed and thrown a fit. But nothing had changed his master's mind. Connor had told her that he had wanted to find her, call her, send her a note. To explain why things had gone wrong. But his father, master, sensei, whatever wouldn't leave him. Packing his bags for Japan while the boy sat there sick to his stomach knowing he had taken a girl he had given hope and ruined it all with a single phone call saying he couldn't and wouldn't be with her anymore. Out of the blue, when moments ago, they had been kissing and cuddling. He said Japan was miserable, and he didn't talk to his master for days. That didn't make her feel any better of course, how could it? Sure he was mad at his master but he didn't have to go. He wasn't an adult no, but he could have stood his ground, or found a way to come back home. He always said he had money he could have used some of it the night they landed in Japan and flown right back. But no.. he had stayed. For weeks. She bit her lower lip as he promised that coming back would not be easy she could only nod at that, it wouldn't have been easy, that was for sure. Connor mentioned that she sounded happy the other day, and she was. Santiago had made her life come back around to the good side. Teaching her things, whispering spanish at her sweetly, loving her desperatly, and being there for her whenever she needed him. Connor was crying but she did not go to him. "You could have called. Once you were in Japan, written, something! Connor you can't honestly expect me to believe that you had no way to contact me at all! I mean.. you left me, for NO reason, you left the country that next day. And I'm somehow supposed to be totally cool with you being gone for weeks and no attempt to contact me. Somehow I doubt Master Asshole was really watching you twenty four seven!" Berlin's anger was punctuated with her own tears. She looked away from him. It wasn't like he could see it anyway, but it made her feel vulnerable with tears running down her pale cheeks, her chest heaving with small sobs as she tried to hold herself together. "You don't understand what I went through. We were happy moments before. Then I get a call in my room. You're dumping me. You said it wasn't me, it was you. But there was no reason. We had plans. And everything... and I'm so sick and tired of being judged because I was homeless. Was that my fault? How do people expect a young girl at twelve on her own, to make do with nothing? How is that making me less of a person? Your stupid father seemed to think so. All telling me not to hurt you, and make sure I was actually interested. As if I was a slut!" Berlin angrily wiped her tears away. "Empty. It was.. how I felt after that phone call. I wasn't.. myself for weeks. Weeks! Because of that stupid phonecall and your father who seemed to think I was a lesser human because I did things on the street to get by. I'd like to have seen what he would do in the same situation! Judge me! He has NO RIGHT!" her fist slammed down on the table, she sighed as she let her face fall into her hands her crying louder now. "I am happier now. Now. But only as of .. a week ago. Or so. Not that long ago. But.. it's not easy. And I don't know.. what it means for us. I want to be friends. But I still feel things for you, it's all mixed up and jumbled. Sometimes I"m so angry! Other times I just want to shake you, and then there are the times I want to kiss you and find out if there is something left. But I can't.. do that.. the last one I mean... " she sighed. "Thing is.. it's not going to be easy. I want to be friends but..." Sniffling and wiping of tears continued. "...I fear that something else will come up. You'll leave, or your father will come back and tell you that you can't be friends with me now. I'm afraid." Back to Top   connor Guest [send pm] Joined: January 1970 Posts: 0 A better try (Connor) « Sept 26, 2009 21:44:48 GMT -6 » Quote Select Post Deselect Post Link to Post Back to Top She still had feelings for him? He had listened to every word, felt her anger, and her pain. She was right. He might have had a chance to contact her. But, he had felt vulnerable himself. How was he supposed to do what he wanted when he felt like he was under someones watch? He could hear her sobbing, and he wanted to take her back. He wanted to be with her. To assure her it could be alright. but no, that opportunity had long since left. "Berlin, you're right. Maybe I could have called. But, I felt I was backed into a corner. I wasn't thinking straight, and was only angry. I could barely function with how I was feeling, let alone think clearly enough to make a phone call." He moved closer to her, though slowly. He didn't know what else to do. He didn't want anyone else looking. He could feel other eyes on him and her when she slammed her fist down. It had drawn momentary attention. "I wish you could do that last one, and I wish I could say that things were ok, and could go back to how it was. Suichi isn't an issue, because we're not speaking. I cut ties with him over this. I am not telling you this to make it better, because I know it doesn't. I'm just saying it." He took a breath to calm himself. "I won't take you back or make that attempt because I am obviously not ready for something like what we could have had. If I was, I would never have hurt you. I would have found a way to be with you. I back down, and let someone else control me. You didn't deserve that, and I don't want to do that to you ever again." With that, he put his arms around her, felt her stiffen, but hugged her anyway. His lips were at her ear, and he spoke in a soft whisper. "I didn't think you felt anything for me. I still care for you, too, and because of that, I can't risk hurting you again." More tears fell, and he let them. "I am so sorry. I... am so sorry." He prayed she might forgive him and move on. Eventually. But, he didn't have high hopes for that. Back to Top   Reply Share Thread Facebook Twitter Tumblr LinkedIn MySpace Email Go to Previous Thread Next Thread Please make a selection first