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10.08.2015
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He had stormed out of the pod building not wanting to sit there and be insulted. He felt like he was wearing thin with everything going down. Being suspended, again. Clyde not talking to him. Silas fucking with his friends, and Enya apparently thinking he was some kind of idiot or something. Nice of Rebecca to speak up for him too.
He didn't have anywhere in mind when he set out. He just needed air. Space and air. To think that a week ago life was great. He had a girl he was into, friends that he loved spending time with, and pride in what he was working toward. And now it was all slipping through his fingers.
It took her a while to find Eric, but eventually Rebecca did. Mostly because of the frustrated scream that echoed in the chill autumn air. It was enough to make her jump, especially when she recognized the voice.
This was going to be unpleasant, but she still heads in that direction until she finds him.
Great, now she has to guess. Why not add a few more craters to her track record.
"Is this about the graveyard?" She shifts, hands digging into her pockets as she remembers her own version of what happened with the giant in the grave. Talk about messed up. Of course, she'd been out for the latter half of it, so she was reaching for anything that would make sense.
"Because! My best friend hates me. My roommate thinks I'm a simpleton or something that can't understand her grand motives. I'm suspended from duty because one of the instructors has a grudge and wants to hold me accountable for a fire I didn't start. I was useless in the bank, I was useless in the training session."
He kicked the dirt.
"Not that it matters because I'm suspended anyways."
"You were not!" The words almost burst from her like an explosion as she turns on him.
"Eric, Enya does not think you're simple. She just misspoke. She thinks you have a good heart, and so do I." Her words spill that hill like an avalanche, gaining momentum as she goes.
"Yes, Matt's being a dick, but you know what? He's one staff member. One. If he truly believed you wouldn't be able to do amazing things, if no one did, you wouldn't be here. If he's going to stew about the prank, then find ways to prove him wrong!
"You didn't fail the training session, and you know it. You got Clyde out of there. Hell, I'm the one that pulled you back instead of letting you act, so you can blame me if that makes you feel better. And you had to have done something right at the cemetery or we wouldn't have made it back as well as we did!
Silence lingers as she stares, then looks down at the ground with a nod, even if he can't see it.
"It feels horrible, doesn't it?" she asks softly. "Like you're all knotted up inside and want to throw up and hate yourself more than anything else." Another pause. "I can't imagine what it's like, not knowing. At least then you wouldn't have to be held back by the possibility of hope."
He just stared at her. Hating her a little bit for being able to list off exactly how he was feeling. To give words to things that he'd rather not think about. Not again.
"I think that's how people manage to cope with this sometimes." She looks up with a weary expression on her face. "Say it's the line of duty - it had to be done. Or sometimes, it's an accident. Maybe some people believe others deserve that fate, I don't know." She holds up both hands, palms facing him as she gives her fingers a single wriggle.
"I understand. You probably feel like shit right now, Eric, but that doesn't make you a failure. Or a monster."
"This wasn't an accident. I didn't accidentally make a portal there. It wasn't by chance that it was big enough for him to fit in. Or that it closed afterward."
His breath was shaky and he looked away. He couldn't stand to look at her right now.
She nods, acknowledging what he's saying. In this, they were different.
"You really are a good person, Eric. You did what you had to do to keep us alive, but that doesn't make things better, or give you relief. But even you say you don't know where the portals go to. There is still that chance, but if not..." She sighs softly and shakes her head.
"I really am sorry. I'd have gone for his head if he hadn't stabbed me.
"Time won't really make things better - nothing will do that, unless you manage to bring him back alive. But I think this is probably the best place for you to be, after that. You could probably talk to one of the other senior agents if you felt up to it. They would understand."