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10.06.2015
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10.06.2015
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10.08.2015
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Rebecca looks incredibly frustrated as he watches her, smoothing out her hair and muttering a curse under her breath. At least he didn't torture himself, but she hadn't pulled back, either. She might have it it was more severe maybe, but she'd meant what she said: pursuit of interest on either end would have risks.
She looks at him after a momemnt, needing to see what damage may have been done.
Did he just critique her kissing? Rebecca's brows shoot up at Silas's remark, jaw cocked to one side before planting her hands on her hips. Not that she didn't know he would have more experience than her, but rude!
"And is this the part where you offer yourself for more practice, or leave it to some poor unfortunate soul and hope their face stays intact, too?" She might be teasing. Maybe. Either way, her self-consciousness is beating it back.
"I never would have guessed." Oh sarcasm, Rebecca's longest lasting friend. She resists the urge to roll her eyes. She may have noticed some of the gambling signs before now.
"At least you can rest easy knowing the infirmary could have mended a bad gamble."
"You'd have to ask Mr. Amtrum." She shrugs. She's never had to deal with her ability personally since it doesn't work on her own body. "If he can be ready for training on a regular basis, I don't see why---." She stops, realizing what she's said and nearly implied with Silas if she finished the thought.
She's not sure she knows where this is going and lets the silence linger until at last she ignores the last red flag that bothers going off in the back of her mind.
"People typically do if they're returning the gesture."
True, but insulting. Here Silas was, smiling like he'd discovered his lost cause, and she was on the defense after being kissed.
"Because." She lowers her arms down to her sides, then winds up clasping them behind her again without realizing what she's doing. "I enjoyed it, but you're still the cause of a bag of mixed feelings for me." She grits her teeth against the faint chattering she can feel coming on and shifts inside her coat, finally pulling her arms forward again to tuck her hands inside the sleeves and keep them close to her body.
"And I've lost friends over my interest in you! People I care about decide that I'm not worth my decision to be here or if it means making myself miserable!" She rocks back and forth on her feet.
"And now I'm finally seeing the person I believed was there along with your usual assholery and it makes me happy! Seeing you smile and I remember all the times I thought you should smile more! And then there's part of me that gets you on some level and half the time I'm pretty sure I'm wrong!" She's already started pacing, hands waving in the air with the buildup until she stops and turns to look at him, voice quieter than usual as she takes a deep breath.
"It's like asking if I'm okay with sacrificing one part of my world here for another. The line's drawn and I don't know where to stand, because I am still interested in you. If I weren't, if I didn't like you, I would have left already."
She draws herself up with a sharp inhale and shakes her head, slipping her hands back in her pockets.
"..." A long pause as she steps back with a frown, shaking her head again. Her words are sinking in to her, as well, and in the end? It had been more about her and others, not Silas. Her choices, her feelings. Her inability to decide or do pretty much anything right since she'd arrived at Paradigm.
"If you're expecting me to apologize I'm not going to." He states, letting that sit a moment before continuing.
"And neither should you. This is pristine example of why the concept of friendship is so fragile. You believe you shared a bond with these people yet over a disagreement they're quick to cut you out."
"I'm not." She hadn't expected him to, either. That much had been made clear; she knew he wouldn't.
She lets the entire thing sink in. Maybe she was wrong, but...who had she lost? Enya's respect? She had considered the girl a friend, but what about the other way around? And...well. Everything was complicated. But how to explain that what they were doing would still cause problems. Bonds between friends lasted longer, right? Except that that everyone had their limits.