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He'd put this off for a day, after they came back from what Aaron, for his own sanity's sake, was going to just call an isolated time warp and leave it at that for now. Not because he didn't care, but because he'd seen how rattled Leif was, could only imagine how terrifying and painful it had all been. After all, it had almost happened to himself, but it didn't get that far for him.
For his part, he remembered the feeling of her scalpels slicing him, the confusion and fear as someone he sort of considered a friend was suddenly trying to murder him. But he also remembered throwing the cat. It had been supposed to make her back off, so he could go save Fred. It wasn't meant to "kill" her. She'd been nice to him, she'd helped him when he was at rock bottom even if he didn't stay helped, she'd seen him completely unable to muster any happiness and she'd done something. It didn't matter what her motives might've been, she still tried to help him. And he hadn't been able to save her.
All he needed was another taste of that power. He could've saved her, and Fred, and Savaak, and the woman and the man Savaak told about, and everyone.
Hiding from that wasn't the right thing to do, though, so he's been looking through the school for Leif. Only problem being, he had no idea where she liked to hang out and he'd already checked the roof, so this might take a while.
« Last Edit: Feb 21, 2016 13:14:44 GMT -6 by Aaron Silverman »
Leif had gotten her headphones and was lying in the grass on campus, listening to her music as loud as she could get it to go. She had calmed down quite a bit, thanks to Nate and Mike. They had both been sweet, gentle... willing to talk to her, or to just hang out with her.
The sleepless night still dragged at her muscles, however.
Wearing far too little clothing for a February in Chicago, she let herself cool down from the basketball game, eyes closed and humming along with the song.
It wasn't as cold as December or January had been, but she really should get warmer. Though he wasn't sure how to bring that one up. There'd only been one person he'd really gotten on like that, lately. He cared, but it was weird to go "hey, wear warmer clothes" to someone he was still getting to know... and wanting to just reminded him.
He walked up on seeing her in the grass, but it wasn't long before he spotted the headphones. Funny how she could just sit there and listen to music like the world wasn't at war. He wished he was capable of just relaxing like that, outside of when he'd been high. Of course, headphones were also the universal "don't talk to me right now" sign, and how would he feel if he were laying in the grass, listening to his music, and someone just appeared over him?
That would be creepy. So he froze up for the moment, unsure how or if to approach, before taking a seat at a nearby bench. Not likely she'd hear his voice over the music anyhow, if he tried to talk right now.
So they were. He'd probably still have to shout to be heard over the music though, and that seemed weird.
She looked like she was doing better, though. He wasn't going to just sit there staring or anything; for now, he tried to relax on the bench and stare into the sky. Hoping it would clear his mind but knowing it wouldn't.
Well, now he felt even worse, in a way. As if he'd been just hovering around waiting. She looked okay, and he'd come to see if she was okay, right?
...Still, he had things to say, and if he didn't try to say them, what was the point? He might as well go skulk in the shadows and never come out like everybody wanted him to do.
"Hey, Leif?"
He would get up and walk over a little if she heard him, as if he hadn't been there already.
She jumped, hearing a voice during the lull in her music. Pulling her headphones off, she looked up, and her sapphire gaze clashed against Aaron. There was a long moment of silence as she stared at him, memories flashing across her mind. He had been the reason she died...
"What's up?" she asked, voice neutral. She made certain not to show him any cruelty or hatred, but she wasn't as warm or welcoming as usual. Of course, that may have had to do with the fact that she was sober.
She had almost been the reason he died. And she'd kept him from helping Fred. But had any of that even been real? How much had been the anger, the instinctive fighting for his life, the rage that started very much literally boiling his blood?
Aaron Silverman of Earth. You have great rage in your heart. You belong to the Red Lantern Corps.
He tried to put all that aside. It had been an accident, he'd wanted to save her. She was alive. But remembering your own death, especially in such a horrible way...
"I wanted to see you. To check on you, I mean. After all that."
Her voice wasn't as warm as before, but then, why would it be? And they'd argued in the past, too, when he'd wanted the Apache and the townsfolk to make peace.
"Are you okay?"
« Last Edit: Feb 21, 2016 16:59:18 GMT -6 by Aaron Silverman »
She cocked a brow at him as he asked after her. Was she okay? She sat up slightly, resting on her elbows and looking the boy over, from head to toe.
"Well, I'm alive, so I'm better than I was yesterday, huh?"
It was obviously sarcastic, bordering on cruel. She had just started to get over her own death, the feelings of rage and fear. She had just started to put that all behind her.
The bitter sarcasm wasn't unnoticed, and it visibly stung him, but he tried to keep it off his face. He deserved that and worse. She could try to cut him open again and maybe he'd just stand there and let her.
"That's why I wanted to see how you're holding up."
Don't throw it back in her face. He stood there, hands in pockets, looking sincere. Regretful.
She stared at Aaron for a moment longer, then sighed. He looked like she had kicked his puppy. It wasn't his fault, she knew, even if she wanted to blame him. Falling back onto the grass with an audible "plop," she gave a shake of her head.
She didn't have to blame him or not, he blamed himself plenty. Not that he'd ever meant to guilt her, but still. She'd been nice to him, he still remembered a lot about that trip and how it had felt to touch her and be around her, even if it had been the drugs talking, and there he'd been, unable to help.
It wasn't his fault, but it was. He was supposed to save everyone, fix everyone's problems. That was what "Aaron Silverman" was. If he couldn't do that, he might as well not exist.
Of course, how do you help someone when your presence looks like it's just reminding them of what happened? Still worth a try, and maybe on some level he just wanted to talk to her. Needed to. And maybe taking on someone else's problems would make his hurt less, dull the feeling of them ripping him apart.
"Mind if I sit?"
He would indicate a patch of grass near her, but not as close as when he'd been stuck in his trip. Just randomly plopping down felt rude, and it would put the ball in her court.
"Go ahead, man," she offered, motioning with one hand to the spot he indicated. She wound her fingers together and placed both hands under her head, turning her attention back up to the sky. She wasn't sure what he was expecting, but as tired as she was, she didn't figure there was any reason to try and figure it out.
If he wanted her to know, he'd tell her. If he didn't, then they could sit together in comfortable silence. Well, comfortable on her part, at least.
He wasn't sure what he expected, either, or what he even wanted, but he sat by her and let them have each other's presence. He didn't really know what to say for the moment, and tried to be comfortable with the silence, looking into the sky himself. At least this time the rest of the world continued to exist while he looked up there. It let him think a little.
Leif didn't bother trying to speak. She didn't really know what to think about it all in the first place... Too many things had happened, and too many more things were going to happen. Her mind was foggy from sleep deprivation.
The question was unexpected, and actually broke his gaze, making him look over to Leif. God, she looked tired. And there she was, asking how he was doing after everything. Huh.
"A bit."
A microscopic amount really, and for feeling any better at all he felt guilty. Too many things happening too often at once, and too much about to happen. And too little left to look forwards to. Maybe he wasn't so much feeling better as working harder to hide it. He was surprised he'd gotten any sleep. His body certainly wasn't getting anywhere near the amount of calories it used to. When was the last time he had bothered cooking something instead of half-heartedly trudging down to the cafeteria, grabbing a tray and ignoring half the stuff on it?
...Still. He wasn't sure what he would've done that night if Leif hadn't just happened to be getting high by the tree he was under. Might have gone up to the roof and...
Anyway.
"You helped. Thank you. I can't remember if I said before."
« Last Edit: Feb 21, 2016 15:37:28 GMT -6 by Aaron Silverman »
Seriously. She fed him illegal drugs and watched him stare at stars for a few hours. How was that much help? She thought it was humorous, in a way, that he felt so indebted to her. Lightly scratching at her head, she let her eyes flutter closed again.
"If you say so. I just appreciated it, and it would've been rude not to say anything."
It had meant more to him. An effort had been made when he was feeling least worth anybody's time. It felt pathetic in a way that he'd needed whatever she gave him to feel anything but cold and dead inside, but still. Even if he was going to try not to be weird about it, it still mattered, at least a bit.
He still felt guilty for not having done anything to repay it.
"It's just what's right. Someone helps me, does something good for me, I don't let them think they're unappreciated. And I try to help them in return."
He wasn't sure whether to be offended by that or not, so instead he just looked curious. It wouldn't be the first time someone he thought well of was laughing at him all along.